When the Sun came down to kiss me

Lilith Eir 
She was named Lilith by her dad, from the flower Lily. symbolizing Universality and Enlightenment and Purity. Lilith, the first woman according to old scriptures of the Christian Bible was an independent woman who refused to be inferior to a man for the reason that they were both created equally.
Her second name Eir,was given by her mom. From the Norse Goddess of Healing. Also as a Norse noun it also means means graciousness, mildness. as a Norse verb, "eira" it means to care for, to help or please.
Born Sept 16,2011 at 5:30 in the afternoon. The First time I saw her she was bathed in my blood, she was so pale, but I guess that is how newborns in her first few minutes look like.Her eyes were closed at first and then she took a tiny little peek, I was the first person she saw. She took my breath away. I didn't cry, instead I felt renewed, happy,and most of all healed. At that moment, I felt peace while I was holding her. I felt like I was a different person, like I was perfect, and I knew I was the only one person who was perfect for her. You know that feeling when the afternoon sun, in all its golden splendor, enters your room and touches your skin and then it gives you this sense of happiness, this sense of contentment? It was that exact feeling, except there was no sun. At that moment I felt like the sun came down to kiss me this time.

She is 10 months and 2 day old now. It wasn't all happy and sunshine. There were times when I felt I wished I wasn't her mother, I felt incompetent, especially when she gets sick. I get so frustrated when she seems uncomfortable and it seems like there was nothing I could do to ease her discomfort. You feel like you could curse the world to hell. But She, like she always does, tucks her head in my breast and starts to doze off and in her slumber starts giving me random smiles and unprovoked giggles, then I go back to that moment when I knew I was the only woman perfect for her.

It gives me so much pride and joy when she extends this feeling to the family. When she is held, I can see that the people who held her, loves her and in turn Lilith Eir "heals" them. You can see that obvious shift of emotion, that swelling of happiness in their eyes, only Lilith can give them that.

I knew when I found out I was having a girl, that I wasn't ready. I was ready to be a mom, but I wasn't ready to mother a female. I was scared that she would grow up to be mundane and superficial. I was scared that she might get hurt, as much hurt as I have experienced. This may be because I didn't want her to see what I have seen or feel what I have felt. I didn't know how to protect her. But as she is growing up now, it seems like she didn't need to be protected. And everyday she gives me confidence that despite the cruelty this world will feed her, she will remain unmoved, unstained and she will rise from the muck that the world is in and still be the beautiful person she is meant to be.

Indeed, a child teaches you so many things, even the things you thought you knew. And now, all that I was before, all the mistakes I have done, all the hurt that I went through, they become a distant memory. Because I have her, I am nothing but complete.